Does anyone even like the Beatles? Ask yourself for real! Have you ever actually heard one person ever say one good thing about them? NO! At best, you can say George Harrison made one good album but that’s it. Be honest: you’ve only ever given them credit to look cool, and that’s the truth.

“Spinal drink shoot!!!” he screams. On the last track, Drain, you can hear a man shout those words, and you can only assume what’s being drained. If Paul or John had ever cracked open a portal in space-time, they’d have written some tidy, boring record about it and called it a revelation.

You ever think about what Ringo never even tried? A blast beat. You think he even could? Portal could, covering themselves in cloaks to shield us from their ghastly forms. 

Formed in Australia in 1994, Portal have been here forever. The members go by aliasesThe Curator, Horror Illogium, Aphotic Mote, Omenous Fugue and wear masks and tattered rags on stage.

Swarth, Ion, Hagbulbia, and Avow don’t play like normal records. They move like collapsing buildings. The guitars churn.The vocals sound like they’re echoing from deep inside the abyss. 

Portal ask the questions The Beatles would have folded under. The Fab Four sang about love and LSD. Portal summon the sound of gravity giving up. Australian necromancers Portal are better than The Beatles not because of hits or hooks, but because they reached past melody and pulled something raw and cosmic out of the void. They make music for anyone willing to stare straight into nothingness.